For my ladies who smile

I once had a friend


I once had a friend

She was the best friend I could have ever asked for

She was there for me when I wasn’t there

She showed me how to be a better person

I once had a friend

A friend I didn’t know how to be a friend to

She was so strong

She walked with swagger in her step

Spoke with such certainty

I once had a friend

And I wanted to secretly be just like her

I envied her

She was so on top of her game

Nothing held her down

Nothing stopped her from forging ahead

Meanwhile my friend was excelling in all life’s challenges

She lost her mother and you would never know she felt pain

I once had a friend

She commanded attention and respect

She could hold men’s eye with her intelligence

She never belittled herself

She was unforgivingly her

I once had a friend

I didn’t know how to be her friend

I didn’t know how to be strong like her

I was so enamored by her strength to me she wasn’t human

She didn’t feel pain

She was like a superhero

I once had a friend

But we’re not friends anymore

I didn’t have her strength

I didn’t have her swagger

I didn’t have her independence

I wasn’t anything like her

And I lost my friend because I couldn’t be me

Didn’t think she would really like me for me

I was such a weakling

I was pathetic

I was nothing like her

I didn’t even belong in her league

I don’t know how we became friends because I was never on her level

I once had a friend

She showed me all the things I hated about myself

She embodied everything I wasn’t and would never be

I once had a friend

But we’re not friends anymore

And every night I mourn the loss of my friend

Now I’m stronger and wiser and I more self assured

Now I know me more intimately

And honestly I like me when I look in the mirror

Now I walk with the swagger

Now I commend attention when I enter the room because I love me

And it’s not every day that I love me

Some days I don’t even know me

But I embrace that

I embrace me

And I wish I still had that friend to show her that growth

To share with her the progress I’ve made

To show her the new me & revel in the road I’ve traveled to get here

But alas

I once had a friend

But we’re not friends anymore

And she will never listen to me

My pleas fall on deaf ears

I disgusted her, left her and wasn’t a friend to her

So she’ll never know just how much she meant to me

She’ll never listen to how much….she’ll just never know

I once had a friend

But we’re not friends anymore