People often ask if I'm really engaged. I can't say that I've been officially asked but I can say it's what my boyfriend started. He started introducing me as his fiancee and I don't stop him.
Others ask what are we waiting for in terms of marriage and honestly I'm waiting for him to ask me and be ready. I used to wait anxiously for him to ask me and now I don't. Not because I don't want to marry him but honestly because I already feel like we're married.
People look at our relationship and think it's wonderful. They think our 9 years together is a sign of how much we love each other. In some ways it might be but I'd have to give the glory to God. I can't take any of the credit on why we're still together. Without going into details I'll say we've been through A LOT and even that's an understatement. I've sacrificed a lot and he may feel he's done the same.
Right now I believe God has me with the man I'm to spend the rest of my life with and every day isn't wonderful. Yes we argue-sometimes we walk out on each other but we end up right back with each other.
I can remember years of praying for him to be the man God had for me, asking God to make us evenly yoked. And one day I read a book (can't remember the title) and I realized I had it all wrong. The thing that stood out most was a minister speaking to a Singles Ministry at church. He asked the members if they were all praying for God to send them a mate-YES. Then he asked them if they, themselves, embodied all the Godly characteristics of a mate. And I had to ask myself the same question. I had to put myself in his shoes and see if I actually embodied Proverbs 31. And while I felt I was the best mate I could be and more; I realized I still had some progress.
There are times I get caught up in nagging and wanting him to be something he's not ready for or hasn't been. I realized I get angry because I don't accept him for who he is and where he is. He's not perfect and he's growing but instead of me recognizing that growth I was actually damning him for all that he wasn't and wasn't doing. How is that embodying a Godly wife? It's funny the things God brings us to. We recently spoke with our pastor who challenged us to display grace to one another.
You might think it's an easy task but truthfully it isn't. It means even though he hasn't cleaned the kitchen to my personal satisfaction I have to appreciate he put the dishes in the dishwasher. Even though Valentine's Day wasn't ultra romantic I had to appreciate the effort he put into planning it. Part of my showing him grace is also about me showing him mercy & acceptance just as God does for me.
So in this Lenten season I've taken up extending that same grace, mercy & acceptance to all I encounter. It's no easy task for a person who has pre-conceived notions about people. But it's something I'm praying about constantly because I want to be a Godly wife. I look at the biblical definition of love and realize there are somethings I still have to work on. So I'm working it.....but when he asks me I'll be ready
That's all
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