Truth

If I could tell the truth the walls couldn't contain everything I had to say. But if I tell the truth could I actually face it. Would I be able to deal with the severity of the truth, the realneas of the truth, the rawness, the hurt, the pain, the anger, the frustration....could I really look the truth face to face. Look it dead in the eyes & not be chilled to the bone with its cold hard eyes staring back at me.

And yet every day I see the truth. I feel it, I hear it...its all around me and yet I still can't walk in it, can't wear it like my favorite pair of jeans. Instead its like those jeans you promise you'll get back into when you lose the weight. And so far Weight Watchers isn't working. So I just run from it, hide it in places I hope to never see.

My truth would set me free, but with that freedom comes a new set of truths. And while it seems entertaining, I'd rather stick with pain that's familiar because...well that's the side that's currently being watered so the flowers are growing....albeit they're weeds just overrunning the garden but plants still the same. And really who wants to look at that. 

My truth is ugly....my truth however is eating away at me. Gnawing my body from the inside out & its painful.

Dear God when will you make it stop...must I confront my truth?

Dear God............why....why me....

I don't want to see my truth or look at it...

But

It's

My

Truth

So one day I'll have to wear it & grow into it....but right now I'm comfortable in my uncomfortability.

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