So I haven't had much on my brain to add to my book..too much life shit. My grandmother was back in the hospital this week. Originally they thought she had another TIA and was going to need a shunt to open a blocked artery. However, the head of neurology determined she didn't have a TIA and didn't need surgery. While that's awesome, she's been having severe chest pains since the weekend-which she told them about-and they did nothing. They sent her home & told her to follow up with her cardiologist. There are a few things angering me about the whole situation.
Now my grandmother is the most selfless person I know; there isn't anything she wouldn't do or give to a person in need. However, her health is the only thing she is selfish about. She goes to the doctors at least once a week for one thing or another (she'll be 80 at the end of the month and recognizes her age) but she NEVER follows doctors order to the t. If the doctor prescribes her medicine, she won't take it because she's concerned with how it will mix with her other prescriptions. Then if she does take the prescriptions she doesn't take the full dosage because she says medicine effects her differently and she doesn't like how they make her feel. That being said she doesn't actually like going to the doctors-I know I know so why does she go all the time???
So she's been having chest pains since the weekend-to the point where they've taken her breath away-but she hasn't taken any action. I asked if she wanted to go to the hospital and of course she said no. So I left it alone because I didn't want to force her. But when she went to the hospital I assumed they would check into that as well but that would be the right thing to do. So they released her....awesome *insert sarcasm* So now she's still having chest pains and is scheduled to see the doctor tomorrow. But my issue is, since she was in a place that could have serviced her-why didn't they?
My grandmother also mentioned the cardiologist thought she might be going into congestive heart failure and scheduled a stress test which is why she was the hospital in the first place. So I'm ridiculously scared that she is slowly dying and no one is paying attention. I can't fight for her because I respect her wish to be in control. But that leaves me at a loss...I understand my grandmothers mortality and I hate it...but I think I'd prefer quality or quantity. So I don't want to overstep and go against her wishes and I don't want to sit idly by and do nothing.....
On to things I can actually control. So I've been struggling for months with weight loss. I've been going to the gym and working with ASY regularly but I can't say that I actually lost any weight. Physically all I did was tone but it was the best thing I ever did for my mental stability.
Working out allows me to air out my frustration. Most times I can visualize my issues and beat the crap out of them via my work out. Other times I'm too focused on working out & getting through it, I can't even think about my issues. In either capacity, after working out I always feel a million times better.
So I've been working out since January and wanted to actually lose weight but never did all the things needed to lose the weight. However, I finally listened to Barb and started eating properly. Well I am trying to maintain a 2,000 calories per day diet and sticking to water. So thanks to my new co-worker/friend Lauren I am able to pick better food choices. Now initially I used to think you had to diet and when I think of diet I think of sacrifice. I imagine all the food I love but shouldn't have and immediately that's all I want to eat. With my new 'diet' of 2,000 calories I can eat whatever I want provided it doesn't exceed my daily allowance.
So I look at this 'diet' as more of a lifestyle change. And I have to admit, the eating portion doesn't bother me at all. I had a chicken cheese steak the other night with some kettle cooked chips. Now instead of consuming the whole thing I cut it in half BEFORE I started and wrapped the rest. Then I only had 10 chips (I think Lauren says I can have 15 or something but I can't remember so I make 10 my magic number) which works for me because I don't eat a chips. Now the hard part is drinking all that water.
I used to LOVE water. I could drink it all the time without any issue. However, I didn't drink it exclusively.
Ok so right now I'm too tired to finish my thought but I'll try to revisit.
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